Childhood Dreams:
When I was young, I had a plan of how my future would look. My goals and dreams comprised of the husband, children, and career I would build. Beginning in preschool, it was to be a pediatrician and share the office with my then, best friend. Fast forward to middle school, I was more focused on the family I would create. In college it was a blend of family and career. At 24 years old, just finishing up my Master’s in Social Work, with the perfect internship and partner in life, I was sure I had made it. I was well on my way to achieving my dream and goal well before my target age of 30. A few years later, everything changed. My best laid plans were fractured and I had to find alternative ways to reach my dreams that had become goals.
I write this article today as someone who thought they “had it all” to mourning the loss of a dream, to reaching a new goal. I made it my goal to forge a new path that is more rewarding and challenging at times, than I could have ever imagined. I am writing this through the lens of a professional therapist, mother, wife, and step mother, whose craft transcends the books and trainings and is fueled by life experience and resilience.
The New Dream:
If the four-, 12-, 20, and 24-year-old versions me could look now, I would like to think they would be in awe. In awe of the pivots and opportunities taken to reach those goals set out in spite of the obstacles. My hard-fought goals of marriage, family, and a therapy private practice. How did I get here? What steps did I take? These steps are rooted in education, (thank you to my inspiring professors and mentors along the way) faith, a strong support system, and positive coping skills that I not only do I prescribe to clients, but I practice.
Physical Activity:
In our society, there is an emphasis on exercise. While the physical benefits could fill this entire article, the mental health ones are most relevant to me. Exercise mediates symptoms of depression and anxiety. Exercise improves sleep, increases energy, motivation and productivity, which are critical for successful professionals. When you exercise you also improve your self-confidence, which is the secret sauce to being a professional and a mother to three teenagers. My days start with exercise whether it is in the gym, walking through the neighborhood, or hiking. Exercise is not something I use to punish myself, rather it is a gift. The gift of time to myself to think or immerse myself in a routine, the feeling of accomplishing something hard, a much better than coffee way to spark my creativity and energy for the day. Many find that exercise is somewhat of a challenge to incorporate into a routine. My hacks: Make exercise a non-negotiable part of your day. Choose something you and enjoy and also options that are convenient. Exercise immediately after waking up, take a walk after dinner or as part of your “lunch” break, or if you are a mom like me, wear gym clothes and plan around your kids’ extra-curricular activities.
Journaling:
I am nostalgic as I remember my pink and purple Lisa Frank journal with ballet slippers and a tiny lock. This first journal fostered a love for writing and tracking my thoughts. Throughout my life I have expressed myself on paper during the infuriating, confusing, scary, and joyful parts of life. There are months where the pages look almost the same, which shows my experience of processing a challenge or emotion. There are pages of plans and dreams. There are pages with identifying and then reframing my thoughts and plan of action. The ability to write freely and work though challenges without validation from others or scrolling for solutions from AI or social media, is a gift. Being honest with yourself and feeling that sense of accomplishment and peace rather than the need to fit a mold society has created. Journaling allows you to process and regulate emotions safely, regulate negative thoughts, identify patterns and triggers, and track goals. Just like exercise, it may be a challenge to find time to do this. My hacks: Setting a time aside such as before bed, purchasing or creating a journal cover that is peaceful and inviting, using siri and talking into your phone, compiling post its throughout the week. Lighting a candle, dimming the lights, and playing soft music creates a peaceful space for writing.
Relationships:
Like many, I am relationship driven. Surrounding myself with supportive friends, family, and mentors is essential to professional and personal success. Social support enhances resilience, improves self-esteem, and a sense of autonomy. There is a common theme here with my hacks, many do not have enough time. A favorite Peloton instructor quotes that, “Time is a non-renewable resource.” As I write this, her words echo through me. My hack: Given the fact If we are given limited time, make sure that each interaction we have is meaningful and we are selective with whom we communicate, follow on social media, and share our time. Surround yourself with those who believe in and inspire you.
Make time for FUN!
We work hard as professionals and maintain responsibilities in our personal lives. Having fun and creativity allows us to be unfiltered and our purest form of ourselves. Medically, enjoyable experiences can help release the feel-good hormones into your bloodstream. Playfulness gives you an emotional break to be creative and allows you to relieve stress. If I had to choose my most beloved adult pastimes, entertaining and traveling top my list. I love tapping into my creative side to plan and create a fun and memorable meal to share with loved ones. This allows me to utilize all my senses, think outside the box, create a vision, accomplish a goal and then share my creations with others. My hack: Fun and creativity can be as easy as grabbing colored pencils and paper, playing catch or kicking around a ball with your kids, or trying a new recipe or restaurant. When you have the time, travel allows you to immerse yourself in a new environment, rejuvenate, and become inspired.
Mindfulness:
According to the APA (American Psychological Association) Mindfulness is defined as awareness of one’s internal states and surroundings. I routinely use mindfulness, and the best part about this is you only need yourself, no tools or other people. There are many ways to engage in mindfulness and it can happen in nearly any environment from a sterile hospital room, to the baseball field, or your office. The benefits of mindfulness are infinite, so I will list a few and spark your curiosity to learn more. Mindfulness is known to: decrease stress, anxiety, depression, and lower blood pressure. Mindfulness is helpful with pain management, memory, cognitive flexibility, emotional regulation, and productivity. My hacks: look at anything in your home or office with a sense of curiosity as if it is the very first time you have seen it, focusing on every detail as you utilize your senses. You can engage in mindful eating or take a nature walk.
Final thoughts:
I am not a doctor. I do not prescribe medication or supplements. My prescriptions are founded in research and realized in life experiences. I practice what I preach, because to “have it all” you have to fuel yourself, so you can give your clients and your circle your best you. Just as taking vitamins does not mean you are sick, therapy does not mean you have problem. Therapy means you value your physical and mental health.
Practicing a physically and emotionally healthy lifestyle is a protective factor for when your goals feel out of reach. Talking through challenges, learning new skills, and incorporating them into your lifestyle builds resilience. Resilience is waking up, getting a good sweat, texting a mentor or calling a therapist when a challenge arises, writing in your journal, and finding a way to smile as you cook dinner. I realized my 21-year-old goal about six years later than anticipated and am intentional in my actions daily to be my best, so my family and practice continue to thrive.
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