The Quiet Skill That Separates Good Leaders from Iconic Ones

We All Need a Witness

Over the last twenty years, I’ve lived on five different continents—meeting, learning from, and working alongside people from every imaginable walk of life. From Venezuela to Mozambique, Italy to China, Guatemala to the United States, my work with communities has shaped what I now consider the most essential human skill. And ever since I launched my life’s venture with Lovescaping eight years ago, I’ve spent my days facilitating workshops, classes, retreats, and coaching sessions with thousands of people: pre-K children, parents, educators, teenagers, CEOs, corporate teams, incarcerated women, and everyone in between. My work is rooted in a simple but profound idea: love is a practice—a skill we can all learn, just as we learn math, reading, or science.

Across these years, I’ve listened to stories that reveal the full spectrum of our humanity. I’ve heard about the most devastating acts—like a parent selling their own child for sex—and the most tender expressions of love, like a mother with cerebral palsy who, from her wheelchair, navigates the world with fierce determination as she weeps with gratitude for a son who is never ashamed of her. I have heard it all. Some stories are so monstrous that I could never repeat them, not aloud and not in writing; even remembering them risks shaking one’s faith in humanity.

The more I do this work, the more I find myself speaking less and listening more—truly listening. Listening so deeply that, for a brief moment, someone else’s story becomes my own. As if through listening alone, I can inhabit another person’s experience. A fully embodied empathy. And through this, I’ve learned what I now believe to be an essential truth about being human: we all need a witness.

The One Thing That Can Change Every Relationship in Your Life

Humans need someone to hear their stories. To honor their truths. To acknowledge their pain, their suffering, their joys, their gratitudes—their losses, their hardships, their resilience, their love. Being heard is not a luxury; it is a human need. I truly believe that if we made time to listen—not to exchange, or advise, or fix, or respond cleverly, but simply to listen—our world would be transformed.

There are few gifts more powerful than someone taking the time to listen—to truly witness another person’s experience. Until our thoughts, our pain, our joys, our suffering are recognized, something in us remains unrealized. We feel ignored, isolated, invisible, lonely. We feel that others are indifferent. We’ve all heard phrases like, “Listen to understand, not to respond,” but I don’t think we’ve grasped how necessary, how transformative, this practice truly is.

Because it’s not just about being a better listener. It’s about bearing witness to someone’s truth with reverence—with awe and wonder, almost like watching the aurora borealis or standing before a breathtaking landscape. That is the level of presence a true witness offers.

So what does this mean for you? 

For the CEO of a company, the mother, the teacher, the employee, the leader, the friend—for anyone in any role?

It means: make time to be a witness to the people around you.

Yes, it requires time. But that time will probably be your best spent. Your employees will feel valued— and therefore work better. Your spouse will feel seen and validated, strengthening your bond. Your children will feel safe, developing trust and vulnerability. Your friends will feel supported. We will all feel a sense of belonging.

This small, seemingly simple act—being a witness to someone’s process, their story, their healing, their pain, their joy—can change everything.

Humans will seek belonging wherever they find it. The rise of social media, our need to share constantly, comes from this fundamental truth: we all need a witness. But a million likes will never replace the power of one person who listens with their whole body—one person who chooses to be a witness to your existence.

I am because I have been witnessed.

More about Irene

Irene Greaves is the author, founder, and CEO of Lovescaping, a philosophy of life and organization with the mission to teach love in action as a core life skill. Born in Venezuela and shaped by her global journey—from Europe to Africa, Asia, and the Americas—Irene’s work is rooted in a profound question: Where did you learn to love? Her lived experience, combined with an M.Ed. from the University of Pennsylvania, led to a powerful realization: love must be intentionally taught. Through 15 core values like humility, empathy, and liberation, Lovescaping offers a practical framework for teaching love. Irene brings this work to children and adults—from schools to companies—creating spaces of belonging and trust. Her 2018 book reflects her commitment to transforming education—and society—by putting love at the center. Her goal: to make love a core subject in schools.